I Saw Who I Was Before I Was!

I saw who I was before I was! There is a perception of eons of genetic material slowly adding each piece of nucleic acid DNA from countless ancestors and countless mutations. I can see the huge golden egg from mother filled with genetic material from both her mother and father. Then I see the tiny sperm, so overwhelmed by the size of the egg and so determined to seed life, also filled with nuclear material from both mother and father. I have no idea who all these donors were, are and am overwhelmed by how utterly unique my genetic heritage really is.

I can then see in the center of the Golden mystery of Being moving like a hand with a light wand, casting brilliant, sparkling light that shifts colors from dazzling white, to shining gold, to deep purple, to bright red and on and on.

I can feel who I am without being me; who I am, before I ever was-a mysterious, infinite, flowing life-force totally connected to the universe-to the dynamic, fluxing, fusing and separating, chaotic interplay of one force as the many. The force moves from unity to infinite multiplicity and I can feel it attempt to help me relax and allow what wants to emanate through me as a transmitter of life itself wanting to express itself. There is no need to identify with any fixed sense of self, opening to simply enjoy this variety and be touched by the ultimate source of spontaneity.

As the Golden mystery of being moves as if a hand is flicking rapidly a light wand, infinite droplets of multicolored light drip and drop into infinite space.

And there is peace, and there is the aggressive energy of the life force itself, and there is silence, and there is sound and music and delight and difficulty.

A wondrous mystery unfolds,and for a brief time I can behold without explanation. This is an impersonally personal I-no character traits, no history-only the delightful mystery of it all.

© Kent Rossman 2009

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